DIARY
Summer observations from
here
by
Robert LaFrance
Scientific geniuses like Albert
Einstein and Robert Oppenheimer were alleged to be quite bright, but I’ll bet
neither one of them can explain why, every year, it only takes about two weeks
to go from April 15th to August 9th. I – and many others
- can’t figure out why it takes a year to get from the last of November to the
first of May.
Although
he wasn’t, strictly speaking, a rocket scientist, Albert Einstein was a fairly
smart fellow. Intelligent anyway; I don’t know how smart he was. I refer to the
present day questioning of his Theory of Relativity – E=MC2.
Scientists now say he was wrong in several of his theories but I’m not
convinced. Not that I would have the vaguest clue what any of them is talking
about. It’s like all those theories of Sigmund Freud who has been proven wrong
in many of HIS theories. I think I’ll just stick to Don Cherry. I know what
he’s saying even if he doesn’t.
Venezuela is in the news these days
because a lot of people want President Maduro to resign and shoot himself. He
has declined that suggestion. During recent
protests the government held an election that was boycotted by the
opposition parties. I have never in my 69.2 years on this planet heard of an
election boycott accomplishing anything. Does this make sense? You refuse to
take part in an election and leave the field wide open for the guy already in
there.
Bottled water. Most people believe
it comes from a sylvan and pristine spring in the middle of Labrador or the
Rockies, but it’s really just filtered water, almost certainly less safe than
tap water. For example, bottled-water plants must test
for coliform (poop) bacteria just once a week; city tap water needs to be
tested many dozens of times a month. Tap water in most big cities must be
disinfected and filtered to remove pathogens, and tested for various viruses.
Bottled water does not have to be. Then there are all those plastic bottles.
On
the last day of July, I played golf, sort of, in Plaster Rock with a bunch of
elderly gentlemen (probably all younger than I am) and quite enjoyed it. The
three chaps I played with did not laugh once at my bizarre shots, and that’s
what I call class. There was only one downside on the day and that was the
removal of all those groundhog and raccoon bodies from the woods where many of
my drives (and putts) ended up. Like the concept of boycotts in the previous
paragraph, I cannot figure out how I can aim straight ahead and have the ball
end up behind me.
One
of these days I am going to write a very large book called Big Lies of the 21st
Century. Prominent in the book will be this statement that we have all heard
from our telephones: “Your call is important to us.”
One
reason that we Canadians should be very thankful to Donald Trump is that in the
eyes of almost every other country in the world Canada has now risen about 34
points. People appreciate the fact that Canada’s leaders, though weird at
times, don’t tweet. Certain winged creatures should tweet, but that bird in the
White House should stick to the ‘reality’ show that is his life. The way the
United States is going, Canada is
looked upon as a bastion of sanity and decorum, even if we don’t deserve
it. After all, we have Don Cherry.
Many
city folks are under the impression that country living is not dangerous, that
a place like Victoria County, NB, is safer than the mean streets of Toronto or
Winnipeg. They are wrong. Picking raspberries yesterday morning, I popped one
into my mouth without looking and managed to also take in a hornet. He, she or
it promptly informed me that he wasn’t (and would never be) on my menu. The
swelling has now gone down.
A
chap driving by here on Thursday stopped and asked for directions to Bon Accord
Seed Farm and we, in the style of Tilley where I was born, got to talking. His
home is in Germany and looks down on the Rhine River which is a heavy traffic
area. He could not get over the sight of the empty St. John River, once known
as ‘the Rhine of North America’. “You haff such a beautiful river and don’t
even use it,” he said. “There should be many boats taking advantage of that
wide river. Every family should own a houseboat.” He obviously didn’t realize
that New Brunswickers are too busy 4-wheeling
to notice a little thing like a river.
The
English language is a weird bird all right. If there’s a propane, why isn’t
there an ‘antipane’? Also, why does the word ‘flammable’ mean the same as
‘inflammable’? Don Cherry and I are looking into it.
-end-
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