DIARY
What
to do with my encyclopediae?
by
Robert LaFrance
First off, I have no idea – and
don’t want to learn – what the plural is of the word ‘encyclopedia’, as in
Britannica. The important point is, I have two of them and have no idea how to
get rid of them now that the whole world except Flug has gone digital.
One is a 1939 version and refers to
Adolph Hitler as ‘a Bavarian politician’ and the other is of 1981 vintage. I
bought the earlier one at a yard sale somewhere, but for the second one I paid
through the nose (That doesn’t sound very sanitary, does it?) in 1981, which
makes sense. Hitler was described somewhat differently in that one.
I have started reading Hitler’s
favourite book, Mein Kampf, which outlines his plan for world domination in
clear prose, much as a certain U.S. politician did last year, but I guess the
difference would be that Hitler didn’t change his mind every time the wind
changed direction in Berlin.
Back to the encyclopediae, I would
like to get rid of them to a willing buyer, preferably someone who likes to
read. That’s important you know. Just a warning though: the 1939 edition has
some slight water damage. If it had been worse Hitler would probably have
hailed from Minto.
**********************
Here are a few idle comments gleaned
from the notebook I carry with me always, even in the bath, if I ever took one.
I’m kidding. I took my February bath
only last week.
First subject: What is your definition
of a friend? Is it someone who will support you – but not necessarily agree –
whatever your views or however much lemonade you have imbibed? Is it someone
who doesn’t forget you even though you sometimes forget him or her? I think my
friend would tell me if my fly were down just as I go up to make an important
speech to the Perth Elks, or tell me about the spinach between my teeth or
about the small piece of material caught on my nose. We should always clean up
after a nasal battle.
I have another little note here; I
wrote U-s-a. Now why would I make a note of those three letters? It’s a little
general (not referring to Napoleon) because that huge country to our south has
a millions subjects to discuss.
Then I remembered. Back in the 1950s
and 1960s, people here in North America used to buy things made in Japan, which
was a synonym for “cheap junk”. This was long before the Japanese decided to
start making quality products that actually lasted. (I have high hopes for our
Toyota Corolla.)
The reason I had the entry ‘Usa’ in
my notebook was because it referred to a small city on the island of Kyushu,
Japan. Many manufacturers moved there so they could put the words ‘Made in USA’
on their products to be sold here in North America. If you don’t believe me,
look it up on Google.
New subject: We have been hearing
for a long time about a ‘carbon tax’ or ‘the cap and trade system’ and I can
count on the fingers of one foot the number of persons who can define those
phrases. Finally, as Yogi Berra would say, I looked it up somewhere. I think
the first phrase means that industries (or cattle that contribute methane) that
pollute have to pay, which means WE pay. The same goes for the other phrase,
which means we all have to go ‘cap in hand’ to the welfare office.
*************************
Other notes:
I used to have a cell phone, or a
cellphone if you prefer. A few years ago I bought a ‘smartphone’ which indeed
is much smarter than the cellphone was. Now I have a problem. When I refer to
my phone, I feel a little arrogant when I call it a smartphone, especially if I
am talking to someone with a mere cellphone. I think I’ll just say ‘mobile
phone’ now.
Three days ago I pulled in to a gas station in the
city and one of those huge ‘pickup’ trucks pulled in at the other side of the
two pumps. The driver quickly filled the truck and went inside to pay tribute.
He had gone by the time I went inside to pay because, of course, I had been
talking. My bill was $136.23. Something wrong somewhere. I didn’t think the Toyota
took that much gas. I guess I’ll go see Clyde at the garage.
Last evening on the
game show Jeopardy, one of the big winners, Lisa Schlitt, a microbiologist, was
beaten out after winning $139,000, but something didn’t add up there either,
just as it had not at the gas pump. I looked at her standing beside Alex
Trebeck and other contestants and, although she had been introduced as a
microbiologist, she didn’t look any smaller than the others.-end-
No comments:
Post a Comment