DIARY
Small things amuse small minds
by Robert LaFrance
My friend Flug
came over for breakfast this morning and had his usual four poached eggs with
hot chocolate. He kept shaking his head as if something were bothering him.
“Did Zelda leave
you for a weightlifter, Flug?” I asked in the sensitive way I have. Zelda was
his 17th wife. The other sixteen ‘flew the coop’ when they realized
he wasn’t really president of IBM. More like Nortel.
“Naw, it’s this
medicine I have to take for my thyroid,” he said. “I made the mistake of
reading the directions and warnings. And, by the way, my wife’s name is
RoseAnne, I think.” RoseAnn was 27 years old, I recalled.
He proffered a
pill bottle and the papers that came with it. It was four pages of warnings,
and if you didn’t have serious medical problems before taking the pills, you
would have afterward. Flug had developed a twitch.
“Take this
medicine before meals or with meals, but never after meals except on days when
the sun rises in the west,” he read. “Do not take it if you have high blood
pressure, low blood pressure or normal blood pressure, or if you have had your
left arm amputated in the past six months.” It went on in this manner for four
pages and concluded with this warning: “If you don’t have to take this stuff,
throw it in the garbage.”
I could see why
Flug was a little confused. “But the doctor said I need this medicine to keep
up my energy level, if you know what I mean.”
I advised him to
drink more coffee and energy drinks and eat lots of oysters and peanut butter.
He was throwing the pills into the garbage when a knock came at my door. It was
RoseAnn. Wow. I took one look at her and fished the pills out of the wastepaper
can. “You dropped these, Flug. I think you’ll need them.”
*************************
How much are we
missing by driving on the Trans Canada Highway instead of on the secondary
roads where the people live? Coming home from Fredericton after the NB Highland
Games, I decided to drive for a while on the former TCH, now called Route 102
or Route 130. It was quite a shock to see that there was a river along there.
Driving on the 4-lane, one could imagine there was nothing but woods in this
part of New Brunswick. I wonder what orders the road building companies
received? “Okay, folks, I want you to make this road as boring as possible. If,
when you finish, I drive along there and see a glimpse of something other than
trees, you’ll have to build it all again.”
They followed
their instructions all right. Those who drive through to PEI or Nova Scotia
wouldn’t have a clue that people actually live in New Brunswick or that the
scenery is beautiful. How could they know? Those brave enough to leave the TCH
would find ‘The Scenic Route’ along Highway 105 to be so rough and potholed it
wouldn’t be worth it. The former TCH, as I mentioned, has some nice scenery,
but it’s chopped up and even disappears between Nackawic and Meductic.
Any
Nova Scotians reading this and snickering needn’t bother. The Wentworth Valley
is a scenic drive, but the province built a 4-lane from Amherst to Truro. Zero
scenery and a toll. A longer drive and subject to horrific winter storms at Cobequid Pass. Who was
the genius who okayed that?
We (NB) are often
called a ‘drive-though province’ and for good reason. Tourists can’t see
anything to stop for. The only place along the TCH one can see the river is at
Eel River, where York and Carleton Counties meet. Someone got fired over that
one.
*************************
Another
observation from the summer: Those who have computers know what Google is, and
a lot of people know what Facebook is, but most people don’t know that those
folks who invented those two items are not doing it out of the goodness of
their hearts. Seriously.
Every time one of us clicks ‘like’ or
clicks on a photo of a cat, Google or Facebook records that. It’s all about
advertising so other companies will know you like cats and send you a chance to
buy their new cathouse or some sort of exotic food that involves catnip.
Although cats and I don’t see eye to eye (I’m taller), I like to confuse the
Google and Facebook people by clicking on sites dealing with cats and then I go
to earthworms and Confucius, or maybe even Canmore, Alberta.
Small things amuse small minds, they
say.
-end-
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