Time to put away childish
things?
by Robert LaFrance
As I write this column, the first part of it at least,
millions of Canadians have their eyes glued to their televisions – and don’t
tell me THAT’S not painful – as they watch the Olympic men’s hockey gold medal
game between Canada and Sweden.
My eyes are not glued to the TV screen. Other than the
stinging sensation that glue always gives the eyes, I simply don’t care which
team – Canada or Sweden – wins the gold medal, as long as it’s not the good old
U.S.A.
Vindictive I know, unpatriotic I know, but there it is.
Once the Canadian women beat the U.S.A. for the gold medal, and once the
Canadian men beat the U.S.A. in the semi-final game, it was all over. “Don’t
you agree, Flug?”
“I fully agree, Bob. What were you saying?” I explained.
“What? Are you crazy? We want those gold medals to hang around our necks so we
can go through the border to Maine and brag.”
“Yeah, Americans really appreciate it when you rub it in
like that,” I said. We argued for a
while, with me winning the argument of course, by quoting from the Bible. This
usually confuses Flug. “Go to First Corinthians chapter 13,” I said to the big
guy. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I
fought as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things.”
“Hockey is a childish thing,” I continued. “Time to put
it away and turn to adult stuff, like lemonade and computer games such as
Doom.”
Folks, you realize I was kidding about not caring whether
Canada won the gold medal, don’t you? My eyes are still stinging from that
glue. Put down that rolling pin!
*****************************
Other news from the world of rock and roll, later ‘rock
‘n’ roll’ and, as they call it now, rock. (After a while it will be ‘r’.) Here
is or are the news: A singer who goes under the name of Tony Molina has put out
an album called ‘Dissed and Dismissed’, and on that album is a song called
‘Change my Ways’ which is 72 seconds long. I do hope that’s a trend. Surely a
songwriter can say everything that needs to be said in a minute and twelve
seconds.
Some people get their knickers in a windmill about this
business of The Royal Family. Over the course of my six and a half decades I
have often tried to analyze why people are so fascinated by this group of
rather ordinary men and women and their somewhat expensive clothes. A few
months back, the arrival of a new prince to parents William and Kate (as they
are known) was the only thing on the news. On the other hand, it was better
than hearing about Syria.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to know a little of the Latin
language - even though it was officially ‘dead’ when I was studying it in
school - and sometimes it’s a bad thing. When dealing with my friend Flug, it’s
often a bad thing.
As many people know, the Latin phrase ‘ad hoc’ means ‘up
to this moment’ or that kind of thing.
When I visited him on Wednesday morning, Flug was cooking a partridge stew and
bragging about how good it was going to taste even though he knew I was and am
a much better cook. (My Baloney Milanese is a gourmet treat.)
Somehow or other, during the conversation I got to
showing off my classical education and used the phrase ‘ad hoc’ but he thought
I had said “Add hawk”. So here is Flug, late that afternoon, in early March,
out in the field with his ancient .303 rifle and trying to shoot a hawk to put
in his stew. I never knew how much he valued my opinion; apparently the rangers
who took him away weren’t aware of it either.
***********************************
I began this column talking about organized sports, so I
might as well make it a sandwich by ending it the same way.
Is there any such thing these days as ‘unorganized
sports’? That was a rhetorical question of course; certainly there are. Ever
seen the Leafs play? Sorry, I couldn’t resist a slam against the Leafs who are,
by the way, laughing all the way to the bank.
It has often been said that kids’ sports these days are
‘way over-organized’. My cousin Elroy said that if a youngster wanted to play
tiddly-winks or marbles there would have to be leagues organized for them. Oh
wait, kids can’t play marbles any more; their thumbs have evolved so they can
only ‘text-message’.
Here’s my bottom line on the subject: You should have
been at Veteran’s Field, Perth, on Saturday, February 6 to watch the hundreds
of kids sliding, skating and just having fun. There was no league or
association involved, just kids having fun. Remember that?
-end-
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