Yeah,
right. This is gonna happen!
by
Robert LaFrance
Yet another inventor has come up
with a device that is so efficient it will reduce our home heating costs by
two-thirds, so I guess we should say goodbye to that guy any day.
A man named Ronald Ace, who lives in
the state of Maryland, has invented something called a ‘solar energy trap’ that
can be used to retrofit the present electrical plants including nuclear ones
and will produce power that will cost two cents per kilowatt-hour. What do we
pay now? I think around ten. I suggest that everyone go to Google and find out
Ronnie’s home address, mail him a birthday card ASAP, and then forget about it.
You know how these guys who invent
things that allow a car to go 200 miles a gallon make a headline and are never
heard from again? Within a few months Ronnie will be retired to the French
Riviera with ten million dollars in the bank; the invention will disappear into
the mist.
Gee, I’m cynical, but often
accurate.
*****************************
Speaking of pie in the sky, I remain on the subject
of food. Last evening I was at a banquet that featured some pretty good grub,
and lots of it. The hostess encouraged us to take some of the leftover food
home because their poodle wasn’t up to eating such quantities without
exploding.
I rejoiced at the chance of taking home some of the
pumpkin pie, exotic salads, etc. until she said: “You help yourself to the
remains of the food.”
As one who has enjoyed food for 65+ years, I am
sorry, but I cannot partake of ‘the remains’ of anything. To me the word
‘remains’ refers to something that used to be in human form and I ain’t no
cannibal. I finished filling a large plate with the ‘remains’ and brought it
all home to my dog Kezman. The semantics of the situation didn’t bother him a
bit. He looked at me gratefully and seemed to be saying: “Call it male cow manure
if you want to; it’s top-notch grub to me.” (He’s the only dog I’ve ever seen
who would use a semi-colon between his sentences.)
Speaking of male cow manure naturally brings one to
the government. I heard recently that Everett Chalmers Hospital in Fredericton
had also suffered some cutbacks. Somewhere between 125 and 200 workers were
handed their layoff notices and I’ll bet you’ll never guess what category of
workers was terminated (as they say).
Exactly. It was nurses, LPNs, and janitorial staff –
the people who actually do the work. Now another guess: who DIDN`T lose their
jobs? Right, administrators. After a while, hospitals will refuse to admit
patients at all because only administrators will be left in the building. It
all reminds one of the Canada Post executives during a 1970s postal strike. He
said the organization would run much more efficiently if they didn’t have to
deliver mail.
We all recall the first announcements by Vitalité
and Horizon Health Network that they were laying off a bunch of administrators,
do we? What if we checked now to see where these laid-off administrators are? I
think I can guarantee they are all still administrators, but in different
offices down the hall – and with different titles. Same (undeserved) salaries
though.
“Jeez, Bob, you’re cynical,” said Flug.
**********************************
According to some companies’ reports, we New
Brunswickers are poised to become wealthy because we have shale gas reserves
enough to last the world until the year Alpha 2399. They can’t wait to start
shoving chemicals into the ground whether it ruins our fresh water supply or
not. Armies in wars call that ‘collateral damage’ and such casualties are to be
expected in a time of war.
However, there are also those who think our fresh water
is kind of a treasure as well, no pun intended. What brought this to mind was a
CBC Radio interview I recently heard. A chap from California was saying that
his state was rapidly running out of fresh water and would soon think about
piping some in from Washington State. “Or maybe Canada, ” he said. “Canada is
the Saudi Arabia of fresh water.”
I’m not saying that kind of talk makes me nervous,
but I like it better when the Americans ignore us, something they are very good
at doing. It doesn’t bother me. I think we had better make sure we don’t have
any Weapons of Mass Destruction hanging around our garages or backyards. Any
excuse is better than none. On the other hand, Iraq didn’t have any of those
and George W. Bush sent the troops in anyway.
-end-
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