Toilet
paper in arena parking lots
by
Robert LaFrance
I was a little embarrassed last
evening when the guys at the club found out my new car had heated seats. The
word ‘wimp’ was bandied about. I hope they don’t find out the car has a backup
camera and heated outside rear-view mirrors.
We certainly are spoiled these days.
When I think of being spoiled, I
remember, just barely, when I bought my first computer in October 1994. I never
even turned on a computer at that time, but the newspaper editor of the day
said I needed to write my column digitally so I could just take it to his
office on a diskette. Remember those?
So I sought the advice of a computer
nerd and my willing victim was the late Bob Inman. He was so nerdy that he
played an electronic keyboard way back then. So when I asked him for his help
and advice, he said he’d go with me to the store called Computer: Wise in
Caribou, Maine, where he bought all his electronic equipment. Reluctantly I
agreed to get my computer there although I prefer to buy almost everything in
Canada, where my taxes go to medical care and other Canadian efforts.
(NOTE: Taxes paid in the state of
Maine stay there, so next time you get a ‘free’ medical procedure in New
Brunswick, and complain about waiting, remember those taxes you left in Maine.
Enough of that rant and back to the
purchase of my first computer. Bob and I drove over there and when I pulled out
of the parking lot the trunk and back seat of my 1985 Oldsmobile was packed
with boxes full of mysterious looking stuff.
When we got here, Bob helped me
bring the boxes up to my office and then said: “There! You shouldn’t have any
trouble now; we’ve shown you what goes where.” I reached in my desk drawer,
pulled out a .44 Magnum pistol for my right hand, and a .38 Remington Colt for
my left hand.
“Bob,” I said. “My wife is starting
to cook some chicken stew and you WILL be here to sample it. Now let’s start
opening these boxes.” Two hours later, I had made notes and recorded everything
he’d said about my computer, and boy did I need that information over the next
few months! Even today I still am baffled at some of the things my computers
do, so I cannot say I am spoiled. However, those heated seats are very handy
and I ain’t giving them up.
On reflection, I should not have
used the word ‘handy’ to describe those seats, because the hands are not the
parts of the body that are toasted.
***********************
Another area of life in which I am
not spoiled – in spite of my many comments about TV – is in entertainment.
Quite a lot of my entertainment comes from reading, an activity that doesn’t
seem to be done any more by people under thirty.
A few days ago I was sitting in my
car and waiting for a hockey game to start so I could take photos, and young
(27) friend knocked on the glass. With the electronic magic and not an actual
roller, I put down the window.
“What are you doing?” he asked. I
looked at the book I was holding, something by either Margaret Atwood or Mark
Twain (it’s hard to tell them apart) and I informed the gent that it was a
book. “I read Kindle books,” he said, “when I read books.”
I asked him what book he was reading
these days and he said ‘Warren Peace’ which he said he thought was about
rabbits. I asked if the book was set in Russia and he said he thought so,
although Napoleon had been mentioned several times and he hadn’t come across
any rabbits yet.
It was great talking to him, because
I could feel smug about my vast collection of books, read and unread. The point
is, young people – and that’s everybody younger than I – don’t read books any
more. By the way, the book ‘War and Peace’ is about a lot of war and not much
about peace. At least I think it is. I don’t know anybody who has read it all
the way through.
***********************
I want to tell you about an
adventure I had recently had in Plaster Rock. I was walking into the
Tobique-Plex civic centre when I had to blow my nose. (I know, too much
information.) I hauled a red handkerchief out of my pocket and unfolded it in
the wind, not noticing a nearby trailer with a load of bulls.
One bull saw the waving red
handkerchief and decided he would cause a scene. Smashing out the tailgate of
the trailer, he headed in my direction. I did escape, but I am telling this
story for a reason, to ask this: Would arena people everywhere please place
Delsey dispensers in the parking lot after this?-end-
No comments:
Post a Comment