Everybody
wants a piece of Mandela
by Robert
LaFrance
There is no doubt that Nelson Mandela, former president
of South Africa, was as close to a saint as we’re likely to see in human form,
but I have to say that the news coverage after his death was a little over the
top.
It reminded me quite a bit of television – especially CBC
television – during the Stanley Cup playoffs, at least up to this point, after
which Rogers will run the whole shebang. During the playoffs, one could tune to
the CBC and even if it were three o’clock in the morning, there would be the
Stanley Cup Playoffs. And they went on from February to October.
Look in the TV guide and see the word ‘News’ at that time
of the year and then desperately go there. “Good evening,” says the Talking
Head, “today in the Stanley Cup Playoffs…”
AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Except for CTV. Since they didn’t win the SCP
broadcasting rights, they’ve been sulking and don’t even mention the playoffs.
It doesn’t matter a whole lot anyway, because CTV is almost wall-to-wall
American programming anyway. In fact, I’ve heard rumours that some American
networks are studying CTV to learn how to become more American themselves.
Back to the point: during the coverage after Mandela’s death,
news programs interviewed every person in Canada, the U.S. or other countries
rarely heard from to desperately find some connection to Mandela. There was a
12-minute interview on CBC Radio with the janitor of the Toronto building where
Mandela used the washroom in 1993. “I didn’t clean that washroom for a month,”
he said, “but on the other hand, that’s more often than I usually do.”
For some reason, on short acquaintance, the premier of
Nova Scotia decided he should go to Mandela’s funeral in South Africa. When I
say ‘short acquaintance’ I mean he waved to the great man from among a crowd of
homeless people. This happened in 1996, before the premier entered politics. He
told the legislature. “And not only our meeting (?) in 1996, I also saw him
twice on television.”
I’m thinking some people are a little cynical. Of course,
some could say about me that I’m rather sarcastic.
*****************************
One of the biggest news stories this Christmas season was
the announcement by Amazon.com that, sometime in the near future, they will be
able to deliver some of their books and other orders by drones, which are of
course remote controlled helicopter type aircraft as small as a shoebox or as
large as a fridge.
Since the ones flying around the mountains of Pakistan
deliver 400-pound bombs to their favourite targets, I think we can guess that
the Amazon.com drones are a little smaller. Surely the aircraft needed to
deliver five of the latest sex novels by Dominique de LaHaze or Nora Roberts
wouldn’t be quite that big.
But let’s just think. What if there were a mix-up and the
drone intended for delivering a 400-pound explosive device, sometimes called a
bomb, to an Al’quiada base in Istruama, Pakistan arrived at (for example)
Flug’s house? I can picture his annoyance already, but it would be a bit
diffused since Flug would be here, and there, and over there.
Amazon.com has opened up a can of worms. Sooner or later
other companies will be wanting to deliver their products by drone. Suppose my
Husqvarna tiller needed a new engine? I could email the company and give them
my address and risk getting a block of metal landing on my cranial area…or I
could give them Flug’s address.
******************************
I shall devote the rest of this column to asking some
serious questions of the readers. Since I rarely know the answer to any
question (I have been told), I feel it behooves me to put the queries to those
who read this column on a regular basis. Of course, the fact that you are
reading this column in the first place doesn’t give me a lot of confidence in
your perspicacity.
We had a flood in Perth-Andover in March of 2012, but it
will never happen again, because Murphy’s Law dictates that when houses are
moved out of flood zones there are no more floods. True or false? Imagine
moving your house up on a hill only to find that Perth-Andover didn’t flood
again? That would be a rip.
There are lots of high-tech gadgets we can use to make
sure we can get our car unlocked when we leave keys inside. Why is all the
information in the glove compartment?
Since most cars now have
‘keyless entry’, do we still say we ROLL down our windows? It’s like referring
to the latest DvD rock album as a ‘record’.
A Toronto polling company gave their
results and said they were accurate to within 3.5% 19 times out of 20. Does
anyone outside of Ga-ga Land have any idea what this means?
Finally, in this Christmas season,
hundreds of Victoria County residents will be flying into and out of various
airports in the province. Is it humanly possibly to have a plane leave at some
time other than 5:00 am?
-end-
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