Even
Sunday can be a blast these days
by
Robert LaFrance
On the morning after the time
changed, I was out in my orchard when I heard a shot. That’s not unusual
because certain spouses try to keep me on my toes, but this was a Sunday and
this shot, followed by several others whose sounds came from different
directions, was a little unnerving.
“You look unnerved, Bob,” said my
wife, as I chuga-lugged a 45-ounce glass of lemonade with a few things added.
“Did you see the famous Kincardine Slasher?”
She has tortured me for months, ever
since I saw this community’s equivalent of the Abominable Snowman - in July -
and couldn’t resist another dig. I told her about the shots coming from the
woods – and on a Sunday. “I think I heard that they allow Sunday hunting now,”
she said. “I didn’t pay much attention since I don’t hunt – except you.”
So I went to the sometimes faithful
Internet and Google to find out. Apparently Sunday hunting is indeed allowed
now in New Brunswick, from October 28 to November 23. It was a miracle!
I mean it was a miracle that I had
actually found this information on a government website. I would say that all
government websites were put together by committees of civil servants. They in
turn choose more committees and sub-sub committees from their members. There’s
no other explanation, including drugs. At any given time 78% of our government
employees are engaged in writing booklets and websites.
The information I read included
regulations on who is allowed to hunt. Apparently any NB resident 16 or over
may hunt, and then it goes on to say (if I understood it right) that
non-residents 14 and older may hunt. There is no reason given as to why, at the
age of 14, a citizen of Iraq (for example) is more responsible than a citizen
of New Brunswick. In Iraq’s case possibly – familiarity with firearms from the
womb – but other countries where the citizens wouldn’t know a Colt 45 from a
can of beer?
On another subject, I’m not sure if
they read my column, but I want to say thank you to all the black bears who
have been eating the fallen apples in my orchard. They – and I don’t know how
many there are – go into my orchard and clean up all the windfalls, and then
they leave me 3D calling cards (land mines) all over the orchard and yard. Some
of those calling cards are so big that two big men couldn’t shake hands over
them.
The bears are doing me a favour
because when apples fall, they often contain the young of the apple maggot or
railroad worm, and since the bears are prompt at eating those apples, the
insects are taken care of before they get a chance to come out of the apple and
crawl into the ground, ready for next year. So thanks, Bruno!
Now, to segue neatly from the
subject of bears to the subject of hunting itself, I do not hunt because I tend
to shoot things that I shouldn’t. The last time I hunted, it was a tall birch
tree that wasn’t doing any harm to anyone, and the time before that it was a
short birch tree. This was in the fall of 1980. After these rather embarrassing
acts, I unloaded my 7.5 mm Swiss Army rifle,
took it into my house in Birch Ridge (ironic name there) and put it in a
closet. I called my friend Larry M. and asked: “Are you interested in
purchasing a tree-killer?" He thought I meant my Husqvarna chainsaw, but
he did finally buy the rifle.
****************************
A few other observations, none of them associated
with hunting:
Some U. S. Border Patrol officers in Niagara Falls
were being a little overzealous recently when they arrested The Great Herman, a
tightrope walker who was plying his trade from the Canadian side of the river
to the American side. When he arrived on the New York State bank of the river
they 'detained' him because he wasn't carrying a passport.
Canada Geese are becoming more educated these days.
As long as I can remember they flew south in 'V' formation. This, they say, is
for an 'aerodynamic reason' – the same reason I was tailgated for two miles
today by a hockey mom. Saving gas but causing heartburn. The reason I mention
Canada Geese and their enlightenment is that this afternoon I looked up and saw
about 120 of them forming the 'square root' symbol. What next? The symbol for
Pi?
They are going to pass some strict laws governing those little metal teapots we get in restaurants. The way they are now, one only spills three-quarter of one’s tea. The government wants 100% spillage.
-end-
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