Saturday 31 August 2013

Lies, damned lies, and Mark Twain (Aug 21)


Does ANYONE know what’s going on? 

                                                            by Robert LaFrance
 

            Trying to find a certain snippet of information, I was looking over my 1995 columns and came across this item: A total of 182 countries had met in Sweden with the aim of finally doing away with child poverty by the year 2000. I am sure that countries like Lesotho would have had a great influence on eliminating world poverty back then and it turns out they did – by adding thousands more to the bulging list.

            Although it goes against my grain to do research, I held my nose and did some. This ringing declaration of 1995 was about as useless as a Canadian Senator who never shows up in the Red Chamber and who over-claims on his or her expense account.

            If one is to believe the statistics available, child poverty has increased by fifty percent during that time. Part of that is because there are now seven billion people in the world compared to 5.7 billion back in 1995. Would you believe there were fewer than 3 billion in 1950?

            Anyway, those are mere statistics which is one category of untruths (lies, damn lies, and statistics according to Mark Twain). The point is, those turkeys who met in Sweden 18 years ago were there to sample fine cuisine and soft beds and they didn’t care any more for child poverty than a hedgehog cares about chess.

            That wasn’t a bad rant, was it? I’m no competition for Rick Mercer, but I can fume and bluster with the best.

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            Along the same line of cynical thought, I have often wondered if ANYONE knows how things work today. Every once in a while, through no fault of my own, I get to thinking about how things work (or don’t work) in 2013. I’m talking about things like the Global Economy. I don’t think anybody really knows how it all works.

            That’s the way ‘they’ want it, isn’t it? If you bought a computer back in the early 1990s, it was a fairly straightforward piece of equipment, wasn’t it? Your word processor processed words, your printer printed, and there were a few dozen computer games that didn’t require the brain of an Einstein to play. Today I am sure that Albert Einstein would be as baffled as the rest of us at the garbage he and we see on our monitors.

            When I bought my first computer in 1994 – with advice from the late Bob Inman – I could write a sentence in my word processor and I could trust that it remained the same as I wrote it. Nowadays (an old person’s word) the sentence is just as likely to have been changed to the wording that Microsoft Word prefers and any spelling is changed to the American one. I labour hard to get the word changed from ‘labor’. Every few months I have to go into Microsoft Word’s ‘preferences’ file and say: DON’T EDIT MY WORK! I CAN SPELL, AND MISS SARA WILLIAMS WAS MY ENGLISH TEACHER!!

            Does ANYONE really understand the so-called Global Economy? I’ve met quite a few people who say they do, but a few searching questions reveal they don’t know squat. When a fire in Bangladesh can force down the price of Nike stock in Tokyo, and a train accident in Quebec can raise the price of oil, and a poor canola crop in Ontario can cause palpitations in Belgium, something’s wrong.

And then there are the global crooks who steal $460 zillion in France end up in comfortable retirement at age 29 in Cannes, Costa Rica or Crete. Those bad apples should be weeded out before they get in a position to steal all that bread. They obviously went bananas, but I suppose every outfit has some lemons.

“Bob, are there any more fruits to add to that basket?” said Flug was had been reading over my shoulder while sipping on a jar of 7% lemonade from Indonesia. “I was afraid for a moment you were going to mention spoiled pomegranates and crushed grapes.”

“Flug, I know you were the apple of your mother’s eye, but you ain’t the apple of mine, so why don’t you sip your lemonade on the porch while I finish this column?” He said he guessed the main reason was that the bottle was empty, so he got another, went out on the porch, and turned on the radio to a hip-hop (as opposed to music) station to annoy me further.

Back to the subject, I suppose we can take some solace in the fact that sometimes these rich people do get caught with their hands so far into the cookie jar that even they can’t talk their way out of it. We won’t hold our breath though, waiting for the next one. It costs too much to prosecute them. Remember all those Wall Street banks and bankers who brought international economies to their knees? Noticed any of them going to jail?

Rant Number Two complete. 
                                       -end-

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