Neologism
– the coining of a new word
by
Robert LaFrance
It has been a long time since I
coined a new word, like never, and I am rather proud of the work I did last
week. I’m not sure if this family newspaper will print it, but I can assure you
it is a legitimate neologism, or newly coined word. Remember a few decades ago
when you first heard the word ‘cyberspace’? That was a neologism.
How do I know that this word has
never been used before you ask? I looked it up on Google. There’s another
neologism (not mine) – I ‘googled’ it. Nothing came up when I typed the word in
Google. Therefore it doesn’t exist. That’s the way it is in 2012.
What is the word, you ask in an
exasperated tone? Well, it’s one you should have thought of. Before I tell you
what the new word is, I will tell you how I arrived at the historic moment when
I coined it. I had been trying for what seemed like hours (because it was) to
get some information from a government website. It doesn’t matter whether it
was a provincial, federal, Chinese or North Patagonian website.
I kept getting phrases like ‘at this
point in time’ and ‘governmental prerogatives’ and when I phoned any number
listed I got voicemail (the civil servant’s best friend) which usually put me
onto a loop I couldn’t escape because it would lead me back to where I started.
Finally, I walked outside and swore for a while, then pondered the irony that I
was paying tax dollars for people who were causing my blood pressure to rise.
“This is a bunch of BUREAUCRAP!” I
hollered at my dog Kezman, who wagged his tail – indeed, his whole body – in
agreement. And so, a new word was born. I hereby copyright and patent it.
*******************************
The release of the Perth-Andover and
Tobique First Nation Flood Mitigation Study Final Report was a study in balloon
deflation. A lot of people actually believed the report would solve their
dilemma, as in recommend the moving of their houses, but it really only gave
relocations as ONE of the options which the provincial government will now
study. They will study the study, as it were. Quite a coincidence, since P-A
Mayor Ritchie has been saying right along that this study is just an excuse for
more studies.
Is this an example of the new word I
mentioned in the first paragraph? Probably not, since there are quite a few
specifics in the report. Its authors suggested that 72 houses in the village
may need to be moved, at $100,000 each if the cost of serviced lots is
included, and of course it has to be. I’m not sure where they came up with the
figure of $100,000 but maybe it’s a matter of buying a diamond ring at
Tiffany’s of Paris or at Wal-Mart of Minto Crossing. Same ring, but with some
cost added in the upscale version. Maybe the $100,000 cost estimate in the
report included a year’s limousine service for the home’s owners.
*******************************
I see on the streets of town many
happy faces now that school has started. I’m sure you picked up on the fact
that, since school has started, those faces along the streets of town don’t
belong to school age children, but to their long-suffering nannies, parole
officers, street sweepers, and baby-sitters who – at last! – are now free to
pursue whatever may be left of their lives after a summer of stress management.
Fall is the season of happy teachers
too, because they are now doing what they love, teaching fresh-faced youngsters
eager to learn and getting the positive feedback from those young minds who are
fast absorbing the mental training so happily imparted by their instructors
who, if anyone even asked, would be delighted to do their job for nothing, just
for the sheer joy of it.
How’s that for irony heavy enough to
be attracted by a very small magnet?
Now that school has started, so is
pun season. One trigonometry teacher I know, someone who tries every day to
explain the difference between the words sine, cosine, tangent, and pumpkin,
told me that only that afternoon she had confiscated an elastic band that had
been used for zapping people with spitballs. “It was a weapon of math
disruption,” she said smugly.
********************************
Back to that
flood report: I have been reading it over and over again in the hope of my
vision improving. Obviously I couldn’t have seen what looked like a total
exoneration of Beechwood Dam and other dams in the flooding of Perth-Andover.
It was even said in a light-hearted, humorous way: “Dam operations are not a
significant contributing factor to ice jam formation.”
Now I understand; a man-made
structure that stretches across the river and stops water and ice from going
downstream wouldn’t have any effect on flooding. It’s all so clear now.
-end-
No comments:
Post a Comment