DIARY
Scrambling
fighter jets back in 1974
by
Robert LaFrance
Before I begin writing this column,
I must get out my notebook and write “buy Christmas present for my wife”. Boy,
am I in trouble!
That done, I am back to chronicling
the events that have recently taken place in Victoria County, New Brunswick,
and its suburbs as far west as the Pacific Ocean.
“Coffee is an anti-oxidant,”
trumpeted a Facebook post by some medical laboratory supposedly connected to
the famous Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. This little statement was
supposed to make us all go out and buy more coffee because it’s so blasted good
for us. It cures everything from trench mouth to the piles, and perhaps heel
spurs and scrabrous elbow.
I don’t suppose this announcement
has anything to do with selling coffee? No, that would be too cynical, even for
a journalist, to suggest. Would it surprise anyone if they found that the
laboratory or laboratories were financed by a company like Tim Horton’s? I am
sure that’s not the case, but just suppose.
Where would it go from there? The
Quebec Asbestos Corporation could bankroll a ‘scientific’ study that proved
asbestos sprinkled on Shreddies improves one’s sex life, or General Motors
could break the news that a Chevvy gives off an aura that heals broken bones.
Okay, let’s get back to reality: If
coffee were an anti-oxidant, then doesn’t it follow that those billions of cups
consumed every year in Canada and the U.S.A. would result in perfect health for
us all?
And now that I’ve demolished that myth, I have to go
up to the grocery store and buy some olives. They’re supposed to cure the
common cold which I’m about to get since we have recently had house guests who
were carried that particular virus.
*************************
Speaking of news stories, three days
ago I rented a truck to take some new phrases to various media, including
television, radio, magazines, electronic media and newspapers.
In the words of the great writer of
children’s books Beatrix Potter, “I think I shall go distracted” if I ever
again hear the phrase “torrential rains”. Come on guys and gals, there must be
some other way you can describe, well, torrential rains. How about a
‘non-trickle’? An inundation? An outpouring? Helluva shower? A monsoon?
I know that technically the word
‘monsoon’ means ‘wind’ but I would use that anyway, because the wind associated
with a monsoon is not what drowns people. The wind is the Smart Car that hauls
the rain-filled tractor-trailer behind it.
“The death toll is expected to
rise.” Every time there is a widespread disaster (earthquake in rural Turkey,
flood in Bangladesh, torrential rains in Texas, a price rise in Canadian beef)
the news broadcasters ALWAYS say: “The death toll is expected to rise.”
No kidding. I’ve been looking over
news reports from as far back as 2015 and it’s true, they always say: “The
death toll is expected to rise.” One of these days, shortly after the news
headline, “Man bites dog” there will be this one: “Earthquake in Armenia kills
2130, but death toll is rapidly decreasing because of new miracle drug.”
And speaking of new miracle drugs,
probably once a month we hear of yet another cure for cancer, heart disease, a
sore knee, or incompetence and after the reporter tells us what the drug can
cure, he or she asks the spokesman for the laboratory how long before patients
can be treated with this?
“Clinical tests will begin within
the next decade.”
**************************
A lot of people I’ve spoken to said
they were astonished at the verdict in the Dennis Oland trial and I must say
I’m among them. Perhaps that verdict is an ‘unintended consequence’ of his
coming from a rich family and therefore deserving punishment.
That’s the way the ‘justice’ system works though.
There are always ‘unintended consequences’ of every action. I suppose a lot of
people are asking that Saint John police officers now have watching ‘CSI’ as a
mandatory part of their training.
Who knows what persuaded the jury to
vote ‘guilty’? Maybe they thought he was rich and privileged or they didn’t
like his attorneys’ suits.
Another example of ‘unintended
consequences’ was the recent shooting down of a Russian jet fighter. Vladimar
Putin banned all tourist travel from Russia to Turkey and cost the latter billions
of Turkish lira. Why couldn’t the Turks just make a big noise at the UN about
violations of their air space and let it go?
It reminds of the day in 1974 when
one of my colleagues at the weather station of Alert, NWT, gave permission to
land to the pilot of a Danish Air Force plane. Whew! Canadian fighter jets were
scrambled from as far away as Victoria, BC, and my fellow radio operator was in
deep doo-doo. We didn’t see any tourists at Alert for months, same as the
previous months.
-end-
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