DIARY
A few dozen questions and comments
by Robert LaFrance
This column will
be one of short questions, but few answers because (I have just been informed) I don’t know much of anything
at all.
There have been
quite a few recent television and news feature stories about the automatic car,
or self-driving vehicle. It can be set loose in Pincher Creek, Alberta, and
pointed at Four Falls, NB and it will arrive, they say. You know how accurate
THEY are. My questions are, who’s been asking for it? Who wants it? What
insurance company would cover it, except with a tarp? I myself personally (as a
former VC Record reporter used to say) can’t picture a scenario in which a car
needs to drive itself.
After the recent
road-resurfacing in Perth, someone – DOT, the contractor, or a vandal – put the
stop lines at the intersection exactly 55 feet in front of the stop signs.
So you could in theory stop at the stop
line, and then, in order to see what’s coming off the bridge, you would have to
drive ahead to the stop sign and stop again. Clearly Albert Einstein wasn’t one
of the workers there.
It was only
yesterday when I saw in one of those obscure publications that I often read – I
think it was called the Toronto Star – that some local politician had attended
a broccoli party. I am quite serious. Think of all the ideas this opens up for
the ‘hoi polloi’, which is to say us. Eggplant parties, organic corn parties –
the possibilities are, while not endless, certainly seeming that way to this
country boy.
I happened to be
listening to a commercial radio station this morning (I usually listen to CBC
and MPBN) and there was an ad about tooth protection; it was a product to help
solidify the enamel on one’s teeth. Trouble is, at first I thought it was toque
protection. Even though winter is coming on, I wondered what the heck was going
on. One of those weird 1960s-like moments.
Listening to some
hillbilly music in the Toyota (as opposed to the Buick – it makes a
difference), I heard about the breakup of a country music duo, but I can’t
remember their names. It could have been Flatt and Scruggs, or possibly Stephen
and Laureen. Asked the reason for the schism, one of the musicians said: “Bill
don’t like to be around me when I’m drinking, and I don’t like to be around him
when I’m not.”
“This is where
good intentions come to die,” commented a character in a Dan Brown novel. He
was the one who wrote ‘The Da Vinci Code’ in 2003. I didn’t hear the context of
this sentence, but I’m hoping it wasn’t Ottawa’s Parliament Buildings. Justin
Trudeau is giving people a lot of hope, especially after ten years of what’s
his name, and I hope he’s not continually obstructed for no good reason as
happens every day in the U.S. of A.
Looking at a
newscast last evening, I was impressed with the influence France still has, in
spite of the fact that they haven’t won a war or a battle since about 1814.
Every time someone is arguing about anything, France is right in there with
both feet. The odious character Charles de Gaulle, who was Premier far too
long, seemed to do everything he could to screw up the Allies war effort in the
1940s and never in history did he say thanks to Britain or any of the other
allies who saved his country and his life. I guess the secret of France is that
its leaders keep telling themselves that they are important. In 1967, when he
uttered his “vive le Quebec libre!” he was quickly thrown out of Canada by
Lester B. Pearson. Other than bringing us our own flag, I can’t think of
anything else Pearson ever did.
As I was writing
this column Flug, looking over my shoulder and sipping one of my jars of
lemonade, said: “The only war they really won – no argument – was in 1793 or
so.” He was referring to the French Revolution, which France had to win because
it was on both sides.
A final comment: We all think we
have perfect judgment, especially when we’re behind the steering wheel. I made
this observation as I tried to clean up a scratch on the fender of the Buick. I
was sure there was enough room to squeeze between those two Volvos and then get
by the BMW and Rolls that were parked at the lemonade store. My insurance
broker just called to inform me that the final bill totalled $1,034,211.21.
Since we don’t have the penny any more, surely he could have made that
$1,034,211.20.-end-
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