Sunday 15 December 2013

Flummoxed, flabbergasted, and gobsmacked (Dec. 4/13)


It wasn’t possible to defeat Aunt Jessie 

                                       by Robert LaFrance 

            Just this morning I was telling Flug about some occurrence when I was growing up in Tilley in the 1950s and he said: “Bob, you should write your life story. Or even your autobiography.”

            I was flummoxed, flabbergasted, and gobsmacked.

            I suppose it could be argued that this weekly column is, in a way, an autobiography, but it doesn’t really delve into all the exciting events of my childhood in Tilley where every day was an adventure. I resolved to think about my years growing up in that hamlet named for a temperance leader and Father of Confederation (Sir Leonard Tilley), and compare notes of that turbulent time when we expected to be vapourized any minute by a Russian ICBM; we lived fast and expected to die young and have a beautiful corpse, as the saying went.

 I did exaggerate slightly. It was hardly wall-to-wall excitement, growing up in Tilley. In later years it was a hotbed of exhilaration, but I had moved to Ontario by that time. I remember coming home from Ontario for a 10-day vacation from my job at Canadian Canners in Burlington only to find that Tilley now had a public dump.

No kidding. A public dump for Tilley! Even though it was located in Lake Edward, or on the way there, it was OUR dump because it was my Aunt Jessie LaFrance who had fought the government to a whimpering bowl of jelly on the issue. Every day of the week she was either phoning the MLA or going to his office or house. “We want a dump so that people don’t keep putting their garbage in the woods. In OUR woods,” she emphasized.

One day Premier Richard Hatfield was in Perth-Andover at the same time Aunt Jessie was. Talk about two worlds colliding. By the time she got through with him, he would have moved the legislature to Tilley just so he could have some peace.

I mentioned years ago in this column something that my grandfather Muff LaFrance had said to me during this very same vacation. We had been talking about all the goings-on in Tilley – Roland Baker just getting back from selling a load of potatoes on the north shore, Aunt Jessie’s new dump, a horse pull scheduled for that weekend, Murray Paris’s accident, Norman Kinney getting a new pup, and things like that. A person could hardly catch his breath.

As I said, I was home on vacation from Burlington, and was talking to Grandpa about fighting the traffic in Toronto. (Naturally I had chosen to leave for NB about 3:00 pm on a Friday, putting me in Toronto just exactly at the time of the Daily Smash known as rush hour.) Grandpa looked thoughtful for a moment, then asked how many people lived in Toronto. I said about two and a half million or more. “Boy,” he said, scratching his chin. “That’s funny why so many people want to live so far away from everything.” Meaning Tilley.

            Flug is right; there was a lot going on in Tilley and its suburbs in those days. There probably still is, but I live down here in the Colony now, and many folks here seem to spend more time avoiding all the many activities than otherwise. There was a supper in Burns Hall in October and only about 500 people came to it over the period of two hours or so. In Tilley in the 1950s and 1960s there would have been at least ten thousand.

            Back to Tilley, and our fear of Russian ICBMs. The only television station we could watch was WAGM from Presque Isle, and all they seemed to dwell on was the certainty of Russian missiles coming in to take out Loring Air Force base, near Caribou. It was a Strategic Air Command base. There were about ten TV shows a week explaining how we should all have a fallout shelter behind our houses. That would have been like putting a toothpick on the track to stop the Tobique Train. A plutonium bomb would have flattened everything as far south as Johnville dance hall, so we didn’t figure digging a cave in our backyard would be the best use of our time.

At night I could stand out in our yard and see the lights of Loring AFB, and every half hour throughout the night a giant B-52 bomber would fly right over our trembling house and head for the Atlantic. Good for the flight crew, but not for us. They’d be gone when the missiles arrived. It didn’t make me feel any better that they carried nuclear missiles that would flatten Moscow in return.

            I have now started on my autobiography, as per Flug’s suggestion. I told my wife I needed a secretary. She reached for her winter rolling pin. I have decided to do my own typing with my remaining unbroken fingers.     
                                           -end-

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