It seems I forgot to write my usual ‘Bah Humbug!’ column before Christmas—and thereby justifying my not getting presents for anyone. I am thinking it’s time I wrote a nasty one as I look forward to 2012, but I won’t of course.
Who but my former friend Flug called me yesterday from Ottawa? He was about to get on a plane for Bermuda. “I didn’t dare to mention it when I saw you last,” he said over the noise of a nearby jet as it warmed up, “because you get a little nasty about people deserting a sinking ship as you call it, and going south for the cold part of our winter.”
“Not at all, Flug,” I said reasonably. “I have only said that snowbirds should be taxed—by New Brunswick—85 cents for every dollar they spend south of the border. Funny thing, the ones heading south in the winter are often the same ones who come home in the spring and whine that our medical system is going to the dogs because they had to wait an hour and a half to see a doctor.”
That was a bit of an understatement in a way; dogs don’t usually have to wait more than twenty minutes to see their physician. At that point Flug said he had to go; his plane for Bermuda was leaving in twenty minutes. “I’ll see you in February,” he said finally.
“I’ll pick you up at the airport,” I said, “as long as your 747 can land at Upper Kent airstrip.”
On to other subjects than former friends—rats—jumping ship, I notice now, as January progresses and the days get longer, that all those marvellous things I saw advertised on TV in November and December seem to have disappeared. Whatever happens to all those adjustable wrenches that will also bake a cake for you? And there was that one woodworking device that seemed pure magic to me. You put a short log in one end, and a finished occasional table comes out the other. (Don’t ask me what an occasional table does the rest of the time.)
Once the new year arrives and we’re all broke, all those luxuries disappear and we’re back to looking at commercials for shampoo and dog food—and don’t get them mixed up. It’s a kind of magic—either magic or I’ve drunk too much lemonade over the holiday—the way that we are told in December that we must have a computerized digital moustache trimmer or we will get the heebie-jeebies, yet on January 2nd it no longer seems to matter.
Christmas was supposed to save our economy, but I heard recently on the TV news from Ottawa (and I know that they’re not allowed to lie up there) that in 2012 the Canadian economy is going to be ‘lacklustre’ in spite of all that spending we just did at Christmas (if we’re still allowed to say Christmas). Then another broadcast quoting economists from the big banks told me that growth is going to be slower in 2012, only 2% or so. Then I saw various other gloomy headlines. It made me sad, and I don’t like being sad.
It’s clear to me as it is to you, I am sure, that the biggest problem with our economies is pessimism. Here is a recent headline in my daily newspaper: “Outlook weakening: Bank of Canada survey”. The sub-headline was “Weak U.S. economic outlook and problems in Europe cloud business expectations in Canada”.
Hmmmm. Now let me see…if I were selling a used car, would I put this in the ad: “2007 Toyota Corolla. A little iffy on the hills, seat covers damaged from a party, paint scratched where my nephew backed his lawn tractor into it. Doesn’t get as good a gas mileage as the company promised”?
Hell, no. I would say it “rides smooth as an ocean liner, gets great gas mileage, clean, doesn’t burn oil, CD player works great”. All those economists and their gloom and doom can’t help but discourage us all. As the weather got colder in mid-December and the elections were all over, meaning governments can now get back to stinging us every chance they get, I thought of this song: "Button up your overcoat, when the wind is free...Take good care of yourself, etc.” Guess what? The wind won't be free much longer when the government finds a way to tax it.
Let’s get optimistic and start thinking: hey, we’re ready to get out of this recession. The first step would be for government to quit spending money trying to tax the wind, and the second would be for us to start thinking positive thoughts.
-end-
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