How’s that for a prediction?
by Robert LaFrance
In the early 1980s, a company called United Technologies hired consultants to look into the future of, well, technology, and they had some interesting predictions.
The main one was that by the 1990s four out of five North American homes would have a computer. Also, “by linking a computer to a TV set and then to the telephone network and outside data banks we will transform our homes into communications centres…” It was 1994 when I bought my first computer, and by February 1995 I had purchased the service called ‘dial-up’ to connect to the Internet and so this house was a communication centre.
My point is: some people are good at predicting stuff and others couldn’t predict that the sun will rise in the east tomorrow. No need to rail on about the state of weather forecasting, but it’s there for all to see. Like ‘concurrent sentencing’ in our legal system, the concept of long-range weather forecasting is as futile as it is bizarre. Meteorologists, knowing full well no one will remember on Wednesday what they had predicted on Monday, smile their way through long-range forecasts that have as much to do with reality as my elbow has with dust from the planet Zenon.
We all know people who can’t go to the bathroom without their Blackberries – and I should quickly explain to those technically challenged that a Blackberry is not a handheld body part, but a handheld electronic device that is everything from a cellphone to a movie screen. This zeal to always keep in touch with the world, in case the prime minister should call during a session with the Delsey, is catching on. I have heard (anecdotally, as they say) about kids in elementary school who object to the fact that they may not send text messages during art, music, or history class. Obvious teacher brutality.
Television. What can I say about television? It had more potential than any invention since breathing, but has now sunk to the lowest possible common denominator – as Grampy would have said: “Lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut”. I continue to be amazed at the pure drivel and male cow manure on that rectangular screen. The newest TVs are wider to suit high definition technology, but the change hasn’t made the shows any wider. As long as “Power Boat TV”, televised poker games, and reruns of “I love Lucy” continue to be popular, I despair.
“Television serves as a surrogate for many relationships within the family,” noted columnist Sydney J. Harris. “It is a way to avoid conversation…to shut out dissension and to lock oneself into an artificial environment. The television addict will watch any program in preference to none.”
However, technology isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What about Facebook and email, which make it possible for my Aunt Flossie in Ernfold, Saskatchewan to know that I am planning to take the dog to the groomer next week for his monthly shampoo and set? (Not likely, believe me. Kezman would die rather than submit to a bath.)
And what about my Internet connection that allows me to Google the earth and find out who lives at 245 Connaught Court Lane, London, England SW1? Without technology I couldn’t do that. Without my GPS I wouldn’t know where I was at any given time. Without my van’s ‘service engine’ light I would never have known that an $87 oxygen sensor, whatever that is, was malfunctioning.
I tried to set my digital watch last week, and ended up driving to Toronto where the company keeps its records and its manual for this device. Quite a trip for a $19 watch. The heater fan by my living room chair quit working in February (not a good time) and it turned out to be because I had tilted it. The VCR refused to tape a show, and that was because I had somehow set the wrong day. My electronic or electric piano would only play in ‘reverb’ until I called the company and found out that the pushing of a mere 11 buttons would fix the problem. People email me text documents in Word Perfect format, or ODT, or whatever, and mail photos to me in file sizes so small they could only be printed the size of postage stamps.
There should be a law: anyone who doesn’t know how to operate a computer after having it two months should have to take it back and take a course, or go to computer prison. They shouldn’t be allowed to own one until they can find a file, attach it to an email letter and send it. Would four out of five homes have one then? Probably more like one in a hundred.
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